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Friday, April 21, 2017

Let's all point and laugh at the Blue Jackets by @evil_shero

Credit: AP / Gene J. Puskar)
The Penguins dominated the Blue Jackets last night in a decisive 5-2 victory as Tortorella's deployed "annoyance strategy" failed for the 15th time in his coaching career.

For our first laugh let's take a look at Tortorella's record:

99-00 (NYR) - Missed Playoffs
00-01 (TBL) -  Missed Playoffs
01-02 - (TBL) - Nah
02-03 - (TBL) - Round 2
03-04 - (TBL) - Cup (Jack Adams Award)
05-06 - (TBL) - Round 1
06-07 - (TBL) - Round 1
07-08 - (TBL) - Nope
08-09 - (NYR) - Round 1
09-10 - (NYR) - Uh-uh
10-11 - (NYR) - Round 1
11-12 - (NYR) - Finals
12-13 - (NYR) - Round 2
13-14 - (VAN) - Nope
14-15 - Nothing
15-16 - (CBJ) - Nope
16-17 - (CBJ) - Round 1

Since Tort's Cup win, his winning percentage is ...  .51% Who keeps employing this guy?! His 54% all-time winning % would put him um ... 96th of all time! Legendary, huh? Tortorella's embarrassing coaching record is only rivaled by his behavior on and off the ice.

Tort isn't the ONLY thing to laugh at within this sad organization. We can easily move on to Sergei Bobrovsky who was the least smelly part of the Blue Jacket turd this season. Bobrovsky was outstanding this season with elite numbers. This playoff series, however, he was as terrible as it gets. Let's compare "regular season" Bob with "Where on the doll did the Penguins hurt you" Bob.

When your coach is a joke, your goalie is trash, you have to rely on the rest of the team to pick up the pieces, right?

The Blue Jackets this playoff series:
  • 21 goals against - 16th
  • 16.7% PP - 11th
  • 66.7% PK - 15th

The Blue Jackets' Boone Jenner was the leading scorer of the entire team with 3 points. He was tied with Saad, Atkinson, and Karlsson. The Penguins had 9 players with 3 points or more. The Jackets mustered only 33 points scorer between the whole team. Malkin - Rust - Kessel line had 23 on their line alone.

Finally, the Blue Jackets entered the NHL in 2000. They have somehow played only 15 playoff games in 17 years. In those 15 games, they have only won ... 3. That's not even a series won in 17 years. That is the 2nd worst playoff performance in NHL history behind the Winnipeg Jets who have gone 0-4 since returning.

(stick tap to Mike Traeger for this idea I'm totally stealing)

So 3 wins in 17 years. That's .17 wins a year. In order to lift the greatest prize in all of sports, you have to win 16 grueling games. It would take the Blue Jackets until 2094 to accumulate the 16 wins as a franchise.

But hey, keep doing you Blue Jackets. Keep being the "annoying team", keep paying players like Brandon Saad 6 million dollars. keep giving out crying Sidney Crosby masks, keep employing a coach riding off a 13-year-old passed glory, we will keep counting the championships. Suck it.

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