The Penguins All-Time Worst Players by @evil_shero


Ladies and Gentlemen, YOUR 4 TIME STANLEY CUP PITTSBURGH PENGUINS! A statement that will send chills down the spine of the 18 thousand in attendance for the Penguins home opener as Alexander Ovechkin watches a spectacle that he has yet to achieve.

Saying the word "blessed" or "lucky" when it comes to this team and who's put on that black and gold khaki yellow sweater is staggering to think about. The flightless birds have not only had the most elite talent emblazoned with the Penguin's logo with Lemiuex but also his predecessor Crosby has taken the proverbial torch and blazed his own trial to the upper echelon of this beautiful sport.

As dizzying the high of remembering the Penguins storied history, it also comes with the embarrassing low of some terrible years and, in turn, terrible players. I dug through 681 players who called themselves Penguins and pulled out some of the worst.

Starting in Goal ...

Sebastian Caron - Caron stayed in the Penguins organization for 3 years ... 3 years! He was drafted in 1999 and played from 02-06 seasons. During this time he lost 52% of the games he was involved with. Essentially, slightly better than a coin flip, Caron achieved 3.49 GAA and .892% SV with the Penguins. He is still playing hockey in Europe as of this writing and probably putting coleslaw and fries on sausages.






Kris Beech - Kris was one of the unfortunate pieces received in the infamous Jagr trade. He was a number one draft pick (7th overall) from the Capitals and was once described as possessing: "plenty of creativity and offensive ability". He did zero of those things with the Penguins. Being thrust into a whole season with the bare-bones Penguins team Kris netted a staggering 10 goals in 79 games. He loved those 10 goals so much he decided that was good enough for his remaining three seasons with the Penguins scoring no more goals. Additionally, that 10 goal season was so special to him that he never topped that career high in his 10 year NHL tenure.

At Forward...

Milan Kraft - Another scotch-fueled first round pick (23rd overall) by the Penguins. Milan was selected 148 picks ahead of Pavel Datsyuk and 41 ahead of Brad Richards. Milan spent his entire NHL career with the Penguins amassing 82 points in four seasons. Reserving a lion's share of his effort for his final season for the Penguins, he earned 48% of his career NHL points in the 03-04 season. He then took his talents back to the Czech republic where he told women at bars that he can get them Jagr's home number.




Rico Fata - Rico is yet another 1st round broken toy that was a spare piece in the trade that brought Alex Kovalev (the first time) to Pittsburgh. Rico "Don't Call Me Uncle" Fata wasn't very good at defense, in fact, was a -57 while donning the Penguins logo. He contributed 21 goals in his 120 games while in the 412 area code, 16 of them in the 03-04 season with the Pens. In 2005-06 the Penguins called to the former London Knight one last time, in which he went scoreless in 20 games and left for dead in Atlanta after being waved.





Alexandre Daigle - In 1993 Alexandre Daigle was the hottest name in hockey. The freshly reborn Senators were accused of losing games intentionally to draft him. This prompted motions to enable a Draft Lottery system to prevent any further alleged foul play. Daigle came to the Penguins in 2002 like a pair of carpenter jeans and a Duck Dynasty shirt in 2016. Funny enough he was considered a move in the right direction for the lowly Penguins. After 33 games the Penguins had enough of his bullshit and sent him and his 4 goals down to WBS where he netted another 9 for the farm squad.



On Defense...

Steve McKenna - Steve was a 6'8" refrigerator who had the job of standing in front of the net and punching people who hurt Mario's feelings. He did one of those jobs. McKenna was a goon who somehow kept falling upwards in his tenure with the Penguins. The one time captain (really) of the squad, played regular minutes with Mario in hopes Le Magnifique could bounce a few pucks off of his dumb head and into the net. This only happened 10 times in 162 games with 9 of them coming in 2002-03 during Mario's un-retirement. With 24 fights in his tenure with the Penguins, McKenna was more of an diversion for a terrible team than a contributor.





Josef Melichar - Josef Melichar played six seasons with the Penguins. Six inept seasons. Six goddamn years of Melichar on the blue-line.  Melichar was the Penguins stay-at-home defenseman from 2000-07 and he was the worst. Just 40 points in 310 games Melichar contributed nothing offensively to the team. In 2003-04 there was no other NHL player who watched more goals 109 and PowerPlay goals 45 go into the back of his net. So he did nothing defensively for the team either. What did Melichar do? He disappoint us, everyone. He disappointed us.






Ian Moran -  Ian Moran disgraced a Penguins sweater for eight years. He played defense and was occasionally called up to play wing because I don't think they could find anything he was good at. The unremarkable Moran played 433 games with the Penguins only earning 63 points during that time. He also watched 395 goals (110 PPG) fly passed him in those 8 seasons as a Penguin while mustering up only 1.3 shots per game average. I'm not sure what Moran did during his eight seasons as a Penguins but it sure as hell wasn't competent hockey.



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