This summer, in a booze soaked weekend north of the border, I told my fellow PI-ers Ryan Noble and Paul Clemente that I was going to do a post on the Top 10 NHL Locker Room Junk Shots We Want to See. I said it after a large quantity of quality Canadian beers (thanks Flying Monkeys!).
Most hockey blogs wouldn't touch this subject with a 10 foot pole (you see what I did there). But here is the thing about Pens Initiative - we are more than just fancy stats and game recaps - we actually want to have a little fun. Sometimes I think that we here at Pens Initiative are the blogosphere equivalent of the Island of Misfit Toys - and frankly, I could not be happier about that.
So, without further adieu, here it is, your Top 10 NHL Locker Room Junk Shots that you want to see, in no particular order... (a special thanks to Brandon Sutter for his inspiration for this post).
TJ Oshie (Washington Capitals)
After his Olympic performance, we all need to know if his balls are as big as we think they are.
Paul BizNasty Bissonnette (Ontario Reign/LA Kings)
There are plenty of good reasons for BizNasty to make this list, not least of which is the fact the guy did an epic ice bucket challenge where glacier water gets dumped on his head while he is wearing Speedos and a closer inspection of the photo shows no shrinkage! Impressive!
Evander Kane (Buffalo Sabres)
Lots of these on the list require some sort of explanation. Evander Kane does not. The reasons here speak for themselves.
Brent Burns (San Jose Sharks)
Don't lie, you know you want to know if his junk is just a crazy ass sasquatch looking pile of fur. Ok, maybe its just me.
Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins, Retired)
Yeah Mario is getting up there, but don't we all need to know if it's really Le Magnifique?
Claude Giroux (Philadelphia Flyers)
Frankly, I need proof it even exists.
Jonathan Bernier (Toronto Maple Leafs)
Is he getting any extra help closing off that Five hole?
Tyler Seguin (Dallas Stars)
After the ESPN the Body issue, I know I am wondering - is everything really bigger in Texas?
Zdeno Chara (Boston Bruins)
He's 6'9" so if it's even remotely proportionate than its got to be impressive, right? Wait, on second thought, no one wants to see Zdeno Chara's junk.
Tyler Kennedy (Unemployed)
Did you really think you were going to make it though this list without me mentioning TK? Not a chance. Since it appears the NHL isn't a good option for him right now, I need to know if a Magic Mike XXXL cameo could be in the works?
Sean William Scott (BONUS)
Yeah he's not an NHL-er but he was in Goon and frankly he is one of the only guys on this list who you legit probably want to see a locker room junk shot from - are you listening Goon 2?
The Top 10 NHL Locker Room Junk Shots We Want to See by @ChrisRBarron
11:45:00 AM Brandon Sutter , Brent Burns , Claude Giroux , Jonathan Bernier , Mario Lemieux , Paul Bissonette , Sean William Scott , TJ Oshie , Tyler Kennedy , Tyler Seguin , Zdeno Chara Edit