The @Penguins in Two Sentences or Less by @_MAF29



This post is from our friend Cassy from PensReport and puckheadsunited.

The Penguins’ 2015-16 Season In Two Sentences Or Less

 I’m going to describe how each player has fared through the 8 games the Penguins have played thus far. Why? Well, why not? Here we go!


Marc-Andre Fleury: MVP.

Evgeni Malkin: He am score? Currently leading the Penguins with 7 points, he am score.

Sidney Crosby: Got his first 3 points in the sixth game. Bad bounces, stick breaks…bad luck continues.

Phil Kessel: The Phil is scoring lots. Won the game in Nashville in overtime on essentially an individual effort.

Chris Kunitz: Was scoreless in 20+ games until he destroyed a puck, putting it past Rinne. Kuni smash!

Kris Letang: Pittsburgh’s best defenseman is playing like Pittsburgh’s best defenseman.

Olli Maatta: Back from essentially missing an entire season, and he gets paired with Rob Scuderi. Do the hockey gods hate Olli?

Rob Scuderi: He has two points in eight games…what? He’s still bad though…I promise.

Bobby Farnham: Got put on waivers and claimed by the Devils. Yup.

Adam Clendening: Played one game when Rob Scuderi was scratched, and played well. Hopefully he plays well when Scuderi is scratched again in 8 years.

Daniel Sprong: From his first NHL goal to work-visa issues, it’s been an eventful six games played for the rookie. He looks funny when using smelling salts.

Ian Cole: Traded for Robert Bortuzzo, he’s now on the top pairing with Kris Letang. Score one, Jim Rutherford.

David Perron: Currently slotted on the fourth line. Has the talent, but is underperforming.

Nick Bonino: Scored the only goal in that pitiful effort against Dallas. Well, his effort wasn’t pitiful, it was gorgeous. 

Sergei Plotnikov: Still seeking his first NHL point. Still getting acclimated to the NHL and North American playing style. 

Matt Cullen: Kicking ass and taking names on the penalty kill. Beautifully set up Daniel Sprong’s first NHL goal.

Beau Bennett: Looked beautiful on the ice until he scored, and hurt himself celebrating…you can’t make this stuff up.

Kevin Porter: Depth signing, but hasn’t looked very out of place in the bottom six. He’s hurt too, though!

Bryan Rust: Looked like a nice injury replacement for Beau Bennett (as far as bottom six players go). But like the man he replaced, he just got hurt.

Pascal Dupuis: The minute he stepped back into the lineup, he looked dynamite, baby. The Penguins are lucky to have him back.

Ben Lovejoy: …eh. It’s what you’d expect.

Brian Dumoulin: Often paired with Lovejoy, but rocks it. Looking a lot better than he did in the preseason.

Eric Fehr: Is close to a return, and is allowed to be taken off the IR on October 31st. The hockey gods know the Penguins can use him.

Jeff Zatkoff: He’s made the bench his bitch.


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