I'm Grateful For Kris Letang's Hair by @ChicksDigHockey - PensInitiative | Pittsburgh Penguins Blog | Rumors | News

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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I'm Grateful For Kris Letang's Hair by @ChicksDigHockey




I work so hard at appearing to be a serious hockey fan. It is, after all, difficult for a woman to be taken seriously as a knowledgeable fan in a sport like hockey. I study the power play, I learn the goalie’s GAA and save percentage but every now and then, the silly fan girl inside me emerges and I just have to give in to my hormones. That’s when I realize, this Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for Kris Letang’s hair. 

When others are cutting their hair short or embracing the legendary mullet, Letang lets his grow and flow from beneath his Bauer helmet, often distracting me from the fact that he doesn’t belong on the top power play unit. Even when my beloved Pens aren’t doing well, there’s always Letang’s hair. I shamelessly admit I have, on occasion imagined brushing his hair from my face ; )  Wouldn’t you love to eavesdrop during those times he huddles with fellow French Canadian Marc-Andre Fleury speaking in their native tongue? I imagine the conversation goes something like this:



Letang: Your hair is so shiny, what are you using?
MAF: I totally embraced the Wen system.
Letang: Really? I always thought it was too expensive but if it does that for your hair think what it could do for mine.
MAF: (giggling) You fuckheed! By the way, stop screening me with your big ass.

Speaking of Fleury, is there anything sexier than seeing him pull off an acrobatic save then smile under his mask while giving the posts 'thank you' love taps?  Just once, I think he should have to play a game in his Under Armour Men’s UA Elite 6”Boxerjock® Boxer Briefs and nothing else…I’m just say’n. (can you imagine watching his body flex and stretch, unencumbered by padding or uniform?)
 
While I’m exposing my inner fan girl and laying my Thanksgiving gratitude all on the table… James  Neal and Sidney Crosby. I saw James Neal at a charity event shortly after he came to town. I stared at him so awe-struck I think he thought I was autistic. Neal's brown lose curls and the ginger beard just work. Yes, I love that he’s such a sniper and that he elevates Geno’s game as much as mine but he really makes that ginger beard work; almost as well as Crosby makes scoring from, well…. anywhere work. 
I find intelligence in a man, especially hockey intelligence,  intoxicating. Crosby oozes intelligence from every pore and then some. I'm so grateful for the post-2005-lockout-lottery. I admit to being a little freaked out when he ate the puck on that Orpik slapper but not because I feared for his skills. No, I selfishly wondered if he would come out of it still sporting that perfectly chiseled jaw line. A weak jaw reveals a weak man but nations have risen or fallen on the strength of their leader’s jaw. Pens’ nation has nothing to fear.  I wanted to name the line of Dupuis, Crosby and Kunitz the jaw line but it never caught on. 

While I’m at it, I may as well admit that the combination of Craig Adams having been a history major at Harvard and also being a fourth line, penalty killing bad ass is a major turn-on. There, I said it. I know I’m finished as a serious hockey blogger. I will submit, however, that it’s hard to separate the sport from the athlete. After all, who amongst us watches Women's Beach Volleyball to critique a chick's bump pass?






Stewart: Kris, you're bleeding. Are you ok?
Letang: Of course, how's my hair?








                              You want to interview my hair?                                                                        

WoooHooo! I have the best hair!


Talbot: I hate him and his chick-magnet hair.

Letang: Guys! I'm right here.






Who won the fight? Who cares look at that hair!




Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you thankful for?

2 comments:

  1. Deja vu all over again...as I mentioned in a past life, this is hilarious! I don't know you, but I think from reading your past articles that you ARE a serious sports writer, and I am sure you will be for years to come. It is great to read from a feminine point of view (I think), about how there are possibilities to lust after an athlete (although after seeing MAF's child photo the other day, one wonder's how he made it into the league :) ). I still contend one can watch beach volleyball strictly for the athleticism! ;) Good job and congratulations on Pens Initiative Writer of the Month.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a true prize of a writer and I am sooooo thankful for your eloquent (and right on!) observations!!!

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